At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
