Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
