Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
