What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
