I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
