Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
