I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
