dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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