My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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