you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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