I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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