I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
