ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
