Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize