I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
