im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
