Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
