Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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