yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
