I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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