Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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