so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
