I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
And then my night got REAL pukey
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
