wat bout pragnant strippers??
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
