On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
