My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
