i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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