the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
