Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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