dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my shit smells like andre
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
