nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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