I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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