So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize