Pappa wants mamma naked
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
