Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
