Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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