I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
