Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
