You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
