I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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