he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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