Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
