i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
