Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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