hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
