Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
