so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
