You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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