i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
