We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
