You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
