I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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