she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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