If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
