its not stalking. its research.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
