my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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