I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
