I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
