my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
