Well apparently he's into motor boating.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
