Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
