You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
