Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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