I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
