watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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