You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
