We won't sleep together?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
