Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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