Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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