If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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