We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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