my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
