Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize