did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize