i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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