Jerry, you need to find god
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
