I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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