To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
