just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
