There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
