I skipped work to stalk him.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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