can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
are you so shy because you have an std?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
