never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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