Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize