i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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