who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
