help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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