I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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