oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
