How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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