I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
