Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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