As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
