even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
