my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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