Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
