end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
