you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
