I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
