I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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