im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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