I am puke
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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