We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize